A Lost Passion

SO. I've really needed to get this off my chest for a while now. I used to really really love dance, I had a passion for it, and I believed I had talent. I was at a great studio, had great teachers and great friends. Everything was going well until the day of the recital. It was on July 7th 2007 - 7.7.07, I recieved one of those stupid chain texts of "worst day of your life if you don't forward this to X amount of people.." , yeah iIhad enough crap to worry about, like if I had any friends left because I was stupid, I'll save that for another time.I didn't forward it. 1st thing that went wrong, our high energy opening number that everyone loved at the winter show, got little reception, the house lights were still on and people were talking loudly in the seats. Then i messed up in my modern number which i loved, yeah, my little solo, messed up. Then after i left i come to find out my mother had a huge fight with the owners and pulled me from the studio. I was devastated. I knew that a studio like that was hard to find because everyone does competitions and I just can't do them. I search online and what do I come across? One of my old teachers opened up a studio, I thought it was gonna be great, just like the old studio, I'd be his favorite, we'd joke around and it would be like old times. NOT. When I went to register, I immediatley had a bad impression, too many preppy white girls, too professional looking, and my worst fear, a competition studio. Then i met the girls, all but 4 (myself included) were from one school and had danced together for years and all knew each other. Lucky me. There was one girl I knew from my old studio and we had the same feelings of toward the studio. After I realized how bad and untalented I was, I gave up. I still showed up occasionally, maybe 9 out of 12 classes a month if it was a good month. I just didn't care about dance anymore. I took it out in various stupid ways on myself and others, it was really difficult to look back not even a year from this point and how much I loved dance and loved spending every saturday from 11:30 to like 6:00 and wednesday and thursday nights at that studio, and now, it was a burden to go there. It was my own personal hell. So recital time rolls around, forced to wear the ugliest and skankiest costumes I've ever seen, I was already ticked off. Then me and my one other friend were watching classes run their routines. It then occurs to us that the four of us that all knew each other from a previous studio, where one of the owners of this studio previously taught, were the only ones to not have a little group solo. I knew then and there that I was not going back there. Then dress rehersal comes, which was the worst run rehersal ever, from 12-6. Yeah, no, should last 3 hours at most. Then it's showtime. Whoo...NOT. I usually can't help but smile when I'm onstage, but being forced into wearing falsh eyelashes and way too much makeup, I was being yelled at TO smile because I simpy couldn't. Then after my last number was done I got my friend &her friend &stormed out, her having to drag me so I didn't do anything I could get arrested for.

I hated dance. I was done. It was my enemy, that studio is my battle ground. I walked away from the fight so I didn't massacre them. It's not even like I liked hating dance. I've done it since i was so little, and I as done. But I knew I could never do it again, that one year of dance, lowered my already low self esteem, it made me hate something I once had passion for. It, NO, Those people made me hate the only thing i ever had that i knew i was decent at. Everyone knew me as the dancer, now, what am I? Nothing. I'm an untalented quitter.

<3emily