11375.) I'm really scared I'll go to far one day.
I’m now fourteen, but when I was thirteen I started cutting. I don’t honestly know why, I believe it was for attention. Attention from my parents, and my friends. I got one of those. But I got a whole lot more pain. Psychically and emotionally. I can’t even pretend to be happy anymore. I was so good at it, I could smile a genuine smile, even though all I wanted to do was cry. I know I’m not a good person, but everyone tells me I’m the most important person in their lives, and that I’m something special. Too bad I don’t believe a word of it. I wish I did, I really do. I’ve fucked myself over too badly. And now I can’t bounce back from it. I want to be happy again. I really do. I’m a cheerleader, I’m a friend, I’m a daughter, and I’m a student. I’m constantly bullied, and picked apart. I’m not skinny, I’m not pretty, I’m not nice. I’m a horrible person. And I know it. People just can’t look me in the eyes and tell me what they think. I know I could kick someone’s ass. But I’m scared of myself. I’m scared I’ll cut myself so bad, that I’ll die. I want to die, believe me. I do. But I don’t at the same time. It’ll ruin my friends lives. They’ve told me, and I still somewhat don’t believe it. No one acts like they care, Thus making me not believe. I want someone to hold my hand and tell me I can tell them everything I hate and that I wish I could do differently. Even if they don’t agree with it. Because I just want to be heard.